Pain is inevitable in life. Sometimes, it is all consuming: every fiber of your body and soul is held by it's merciless grip. The most powerful aspect of pain is: it has a vivid memory and it gathers strength from the incidents in the past and becomes an unstoppable force in the present. So, can this force ever be conquered and tamed?
"Do not try to push it away as it only makes it come back stronger", someone wise said. Ooh, I've tested this theory quite a handful of times and this statement couldn't be truer is what I've realized in the most painful way.
"Observe it, sit with it and let it flow through you", they said. I should say it is a very sound piece of advice because it is effective and is the most practical given our individualistic lifestyle. Oh yes, tested this theory and I see myself well-qualified to certify it. Aren't most of us?
These pieces of advice, although very effective, are also very adultish and zen-like. How do you help the tiny human beings, little humans, not-so-little-not-so-big teens to deal with such gut-wrenching pain? Do you agree that losing their dearest stuffed animal causes such insurmountable pain in the little ones? The first time or the nth time little kids saying to each other in times of conflict "We'll never be friends again" causes that kind of pain? And the growing pains that teenagers go through are never-ending.
So, while lying in bed today and writhing is one such pain episode (the reasons for it are immaterial) and before I became all zen-like, (Give me a break! I'm not a monk yet) the memories from the past came flooding and are making the pain insurmountable. The first-aid my heart or mind needed right at the moment is BEING HELD. What struck as odd is that all the memories that are still causing me so much pain even though they are so far away in the past are those of the times when I wasn't held.
Call me silly but I wanted to test this hypothesis and revisited all those memories from the farthest time and more or less, I was right on the money.
You see, just like pain, touch has an impregnable memory - both the good kind and the bad kind. Then this revelation dawned upon me that we must hold our little ones more, especially when they are in pain (caused by anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration). This is such an important note to self - not dole out advice, words of wisdom, self-soothing techniques. Yes, all these are valuable tools, but the first-aid all these non-adults need is BEING HELD - be it an embrace, be it holding their hand, be it a rub on their back. Why even adults need it as much even though I understand it is not practical unfortunately.
So, let us all hold each other more! It might be for a fleeting moment, but the feeling will be etched in the memory and help us navigate through those unavoidable painful lonely times.
Oh, if you are still curious about how this current pain episode of mine ended. Yes, I did the adult thing and did not push the pain away and I sat with it and more importantly, wrote this piece so I'll remember to help myself and to hold my little one and even the adults more!
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